Thursday, January 13th, 2011 07:56 pm
When I was a young Liberal, my friends and I regularly used to do sketches at post-election parties to entertain the troops. Most of these are (mercifully) lost to history, but for some reason I can remember all the lyrics that I wrote to this parody in around 1984. It is sung to the tune of First and Second Law by Flanders and Swann, and is very much of its time, with references to the 'Alliance' and the perceived threat of nuclear war. It came at the end of a longer sketch set in a Conservative committee room for an actual by-election that had made the news at the time where a Conservative loss had resulted in some spectacular and amusing mud-slinging between the agent, his staff, and the candidate.

I don't claim that there's any great craft in the writing, and one or two of the lines test the scansion a little, but it amused [personal profile] sashajwolf when I recited it spontaneously in Liverpool, and I thought it might amuse some of you.

The first law of voting dynamics:

Votes mean work and work means votes.

The second law of voting dynamics:

Votes will not of their own pass from one party to a different party.

Votes won't pass from Alliance to the Tories
'Cos you'll find that the electorate just won't believe your stories.
And votes that are socialist stay Labour as a rule-a
And if you try to change that you will look a proper fool-a

First law:

Votes mean work and work means votes and work means votes and votes mean work

Votes will pass by leafleting, and
Votes will pass by canvassing, and
Votes will pass by direct mailing, and
That's electoral law.

Votes mean work and work's a chore
But our policies bring nuclear war
When all the electorate is deceased
The there'll be no more votes, and there'll be perfect peace.

Really?

Yeah, that's apocalypse, man!

And all because of the second law of voting dynamics, which lays down that:

You can't pass votes from Alliance to the Tories
'Cos you'll find that the electorate just won't believe your stories.
And votes that are socialist stay Labour as a rule-a
And if you try to change that you will look a proper fool-a

Yeah, you can't pass votes from Alliance to the Tories
'Cos you'll find that the electorate just won't believe your stories.
And votes that are socialist stay Labour as a rule-a
And that's electoral law!

Phew, I'm beat.

Beat? That's because you haven't been working!

Oh ... Thatcher, nothing!

That's the first and second law of voting dynamics!
Thursday, January 13th, 2011 10:03 pm (UTC)
That is truly awesome! (I happen to know the source as one of my 2 musical references so can appreciate this)

Thank you for sharing!
Friday, January 14th, 2011 12:17 pm (UTC)
I still think this is brilliant. Thanks for writing it all out!
(Anonymous)
Friday, June 3rd, 2011 02:52 pm (UTC)
YouÂ’re a real deep thinker. Thanks for sarhing.