Tuesday, January 20th, 2026 06:09 pm

.. I'm not being grumpy at all philosophy today, although I have days when I encounter bits and I have Thoughts and Opinions that can be summed up as 'philsophy sucks'. I have not, historically, engaged very well with particular bits of philosophical thinking and/or the way it is presented.

Today, I'm struggling, because I am being too literal. And because the starting point is swan == white, and then the author is extrapolating out from that. I, however, fall over at the first hurdle, because I have to stop and parse swan==white, and spend time getting out of my comfort zone, rather than starting in my comfort zone. And I get that this is Western Australia is a niche case (and, presumably, anywhere our swans have gone and set up communities) issue.

And not only do I struggle when I encounter this damn thinking. But I get annoyed. Black swans have been known about *in Europe*---the source of most of the philosophy I try reading---for at least 150 years (the Swan River Colony was established in 1829, there were French and Dutch explorers in the vicinity before). These explanations don't start with 'let us assume that there are only white swans' or anything acknowledging this. Or at least, the ones I remember encountering don't.

I hate not being able to grasp the foundational thought on which the next n pieces are built. It makes it so hard to read. I suspect I'm going to skip this chapter and see whether the next one (different authors) is better.

Tuesday, January 20th, 2026 02:17 pm
Moontime began around midday today. I was cramping, and the herbal sanitary pads came in clutch. So so glad Instagram targeted me for these.

I've had an ultrasound done, and they found a fibroid sitting in my uterus. Getting the blood test to screen for PCOS proved more complicated because most major hospitals here don't have a PCOS package and add each test individually, which turns out prohibitively expensive. They all say they have a Gynaecology department but it's all pregnancy and childbirth, no menstrual health. This includes the hospitals that call themselves a 'women and children's hospital'. Hell, there's a whole hospital just for fertility and childbirth here, called The Birthplace. But nothing for menstrual health! It makes me so angry. Even the gynaecologist who diagnosed me, is one I consulted online because her specialisation is menstrual health whereas all the gynaecologists in my city specialise in fertility.

Since this is a fasting blood test I wanted to go to a hospital nearby. That didn't work out because they're obsessed with me giving birth when any woman who chooses to give birth does so for a much shorter span of her life than the span she spends menstruating!!!! *angry noises*

So I called Proactive For Her (through whom I'd had the online consultation with the gynaecologist who told me my periods are definitely abnormal). They said they only opened at nine, so I went and waited. Turns out they don't even have their own clinic space and they're sharing space with an IVF clinic (fucking fertility again). At least they have a presence in my city! I wouldn't have been able to get tested for PCOS if they didn't! They had a comprehensive PCOS panel for 5000 rupees. The other hospitals were charging 30,000 rupees because they didn't have an existing package and were adding each test individually!

No wonder so many women get told to just go have a baby whenever their periods are giving them trouble. It's because the gynaecologists telling them that haven't been trained for anything else. And it's not like the hospitals offer comprehensive testing, either.

What this experience drove home to me is that I never had the chance to get diagnosed earlier anyway because Proactive For Her only started three or so years ago, opened first in Bangalore and came to my city only recently. They do offer fertility and pregnancy related care, but they equally offer menstrual healthcare and women's sexual healthcare. They're the only gynaecologists I know here who screen for vaginismus, for instance.

Now I'm waiting for my report. Can't wait to get some answers!

On a lighter note (or more creepy note), Instagram is already targeting me for PCOS supplements. On the one hand I haven't been diagnosed yet, on the other hand I have a hunch I will be, on the third hand Instagram is sooo spying on me because it knows just from me mentioning being tested for PCOS aloud, on the fourth hand perhaps being spied on is worth it if it's serving me up useful information because I wouldn't know where to go hunting for supplements and this way I have all the choices in front of me, and on the fifth hand I use Instagram as a shopping and jobsearching site and not a social media one anyway so it's fineeee.
Tuesday, January 20th, 2026 12:54 am
The following poems from the January 6, 2026 Poetry Fishbowl are currently available. Poems may be sponsored via PayPal -- there's a permanent donation button on my Dreamwidth profile page -- or you can write to me and discuss other methods. There are still verses left in the linkback poems "Delight in Another," "A Sense of Weather Changes," "Ouroboros Insects," "The Loving Embrace of Night," "Generations of Cooks Past," "Homefree and Clear, " "One Bite at a Time," "Stars and Diamonds," "Mishpocha," "Changing Your Nature," and "Besa."

Read more... )
Monday, January 19th, 2026 11:05 pm
The [community profile] snowflake_challenge has put out challenge number 10, and it works in media that I generally do not think in nor work in.

Challenge #10: Big Mood (Board)

CHOOSE SOMETHING YOU LOVE AND CREATE A MINI MOOD COLLECTION OF THREE (or more) ITEMS THAT EVOKE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT IT. You don’t have to limit yourself to visual media, or collect the items into a special format like a square (though you can if you’d like).


I suppose I can make a fanmix for El Higgins? )
Monday, January 19th, 2026 11:00 pm
My plans to sleep out a recovery from Arisia were somewhat complicated by the move-in of the new upstairs neighbors and the resonating chamber of feet and furniture our bedroom immediately downstairs of this process necessarily turned into, but the snow remains beautifully fallen and is not even supposed to rain back into immediate slush or, worse, spring.

I am re-reading Kathryn M. Drennan's To Dream in the City of Sorrows (1997) for the first time since it came out and had completely forgotten the introduction by J. Michael Straczynski in which he designates it the first fully canonical novel in the Babylon 5 tie-in line. Despite the volumes of Harlan Ellison I was tracking down in used book stores and reading at the time—his credit as creative consultant was a point in the show's favor—it was not until years later that I caught since how much of his nonfiction voice had been adopted by JMS. "How difficult a task was this? Job would've packed it in, Hercules would've retired, and Orpheus would've decided that his days spent in Hades weren't really that bad."

The Post-Meridian Radio Players have now opened auditions for their spring show: Jeeves & Wooster: Hijinks and Shenanigans. I am seriously considering throwing myself on a slot for the genderswapped adaptation. It would be something of an exercise if I went for it; most of my performance skills do not translate into straight acting and I am frankly missing the facility with accents specified in the sides or I'd be able to code-switch out of being asked all the time where mine's really from. I would have to hope I was not just wasting the creative team's time. But even if it's just the hangover from Arisia, I have not auditioned for anything since 2019 and so long as I could decouple the experience from actually landing a part, it suddenly looked as though it might be fun.

Indeed, I had never heard of hickory oil. I am not however thrilled by the prospect of trading off maple syrup.
Tuesday, January 20th, 2026 06:46 pm
Fandom: Heated Rivalry
Characters/Pairings: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Cliff Marleau, Connors
Rating: Mature
Length: 5144
Content Notes: no AO3 warnings apply. Descriptions of illness, choking, vomiting.
Creator Links: Ragazza_Guasto on AO3
Themes: Crack treated seriously, Pining, Getting back together, Canon LGBTQ+ characters, Angst with a happy ending

Summary: “Can you believe it? How the hell did he end up bagging her?”

Ilya stared, brain not comprehending what his body already seemed to, that Hollander was dating-

“Rose fuckin’ Landry! How does the lamest guy in the League-”

He knew that smile. He thought it was for him, just for him. But it wasn't.

“No,” he whispered. His stomach spasmed.

“You good, Roz?”

Why would he- How could he-

They were holding hands…

“Rozanov? What the fuck?”

He jumped up from the table and stumbled for the front door, just barely making it through before the first mass of petals came up. He heaved as he ran, trying desperately to get away from the pavement, somewhere he could hide what was happening.

Unfortunately, his teammates had followed, because of course they would. He saw a photo of Shane Hollander holding hands with a movie star and promptly threw up.

Who wouldn't be curious?

Reccer's Notes: Hanahaki disease, where a sufferer of unrequited love starts bringing up flowers, has to be one of the crackiest tropes ever. In this story Ilya develops Hanahaki after seeing the pics of Shane going out with Rose Landry. But it's not some gently romantic fluttering of petals from his lips, it's bloodily bringing up a hard, painful tulip bulb, then more flowers, more bulbs. I guess the trope always has a potentially serious outcome (death vs requited love) but to me the "treated seriously" aspects here are the medical details and treatment, the painful and unromantic way the disease affects Ilya, and the way the fic cleverly incorporates his family history, via his mother. Ilya gets very sick indeed before Shane finds out, with inevitable results. Well written, and a great read.

Fanwork Links: All I Do is Stay Winning
All I Do is Stay Winning (podfic by sd_ryan)

Monday, January 19th, 2026 09:54 pm
Two canes can be better than one.

I have a battery of tests aimed at me for the leg weakness, in case it's neurological.

And my primary care is leaving (again) within a few months. They said last time that I would be assigned to someone in the same practice. That was inaccurate. They're saying it again this time, so I will prepare for battle.

Cats are nice and warm, and extraordinarily heavy on the knees.
Tuesday, January 20th, 2026 12:17 am
Fandom: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Pairings/Characters: Bumblebee/Ironhide
Rating: Not Rated (I’m going to say Teen And Up; this is brazen steaming erotica, but performed in terms that circumvent meat-centric censorship laws.)
Length: ~800
Content Notes: Alien biology, fusion as relationship, Pervy Human Fancying, size difference, transformation kink
Creator Links: (AO3) [archiveofourown.org profile] crimsonclad; (LJ) [livejournal.com profile] crimsonclad

Theme: Crack Treated Seriously, Pre-AO3 Works, Rare Pairings, Robots, Androids & AI, Worldbuilding, Xeno/Alien Biology

Summary: It was many years since Bumblebee had taken a lover, and as he looked up at Ironhide, he could feel his body trembling. "What do you think we will become?"

Ironhide smiled, and the familiar metallic sound of that motion made Bumblebee shiver. "I don't know, 'Bee. But I can't wait to find out."


Author’s Notes: Perhaps I am more comfortable writing porn with no recognizable gonads????

Reccer's Notes:

Bumblebee's first partner-- so long ago-- had been a sweet thing, and the result of their coupling-- a windmill, turning lazily in the winds of Cybertron-- had been as gentle and solid as their relationship. Once, in the later days of the war, Bumblebee had thrown caution to the wind and mated with an old friend turned traitor, temporary truce formed through their mutual desperation. The result had been a ravenous sawmill, capable of churning through any kind of metal. The sheer power had been intoxicating, but afterward, Bumblebee had felt empty, used. Lonely.

But so many years later, curving up against Ironhide's warm bulk, he knew this would be different. He knew they couldn't help but become something wonderful.


This is another fandom where I scarcely go (and therefore don’t know how common this trope is), but transformation and fusion here become an ecstatic discovery in ways that anticipate Steven Universe. (And don’t miss the avalanche of gleeful bawdy squee in the comments!)

Fanwork Links: WHAT. WHAT., by [livejournal.com profile] crimsonclad on LiveJournal.
Monday, January 19th, 2026 11:02 pm
So I'm off today and I decided I didn't want to spend it in this apartment even though I should be here working on the 10001 things I need to be doing. Is it frigid out? You betcha. Am I going? You betcha. Especially when the power failed again just for a few seconds but lately it's been doing that off and on all day.


Chillicothe OH was doing the restaurant thing that they do in NYC, which I think I mentioned so I pick three places to hit. I went to Paper City Coffee. If they had a special for this event it wasn't listed. It's a nice enough space. The two ladies ahead of me were raving about the maple bourbon latte. I decided why not? The chairs were not great in this place but it's clean and bright and I found parking on the side street for free (on Paint St which is a main artery it's pay to park). It doesn't taste like maple or bourbon. It's not bad but it wasn't what I was hoping for. It's not as good as Rost was but that's gone and the Connect Cafe that took its place fucked up a peppermint mocha so I guess Paper City can be my coffee place when I'm up there

I went to Hometown Hibachi where I did have to pay to park (it's a buck an hour so it's not too horrible and I always have quarters) It's 2 pm. this place is small, about a dozen tables. There was ONE open and three of them had families with babies howling. They also didn't offer the promised event special which fine. I wanted the chicken katsu ramen any how. Got instant fomo when I saw the hibachi meals (next time) The ramen was spicier than anticipated but good. The katsu was a weird choice on my part it wasn't cut small (and that reminded me of when I was with ELD and got something similar at her ramen joint) so it was awkward if tasty. I'd go again.

TJ Maxx had a bunch of stuff I needed, boring things like shower mat (mine's ripping) and shower curtain liner (I was trying to clean my ancient one and I'm like why? It's less than my cup of coffee) I tried their Aldi because it looked bigger than mine down here. It wasn't. Got more cheese.

Came outside and the wind had picked up. If I had a tarp, I could have sailed home, no engine on. It was wild out there. Speaking of that I had to put the rags in my door to keep the draft out. That's when Rocket decides I MUST GO OUT. Five mi nutes later.... Also I tried to see the aurora again. No dice.

it's music monday 30 weeks of music. This week's prompt is 10 a song you know all the words to. There are SO many

here are a few )





here's the whole prompt list

it's under here )
Tags:
Monday, January 19th, 2026 09:13 pm
It's challenge time!

Comment with Just One Thing you've accomplished in the last 24 hours or so. It doesn't have to be a hard thing, or even a thing that you think is particularly awesome. Just a thing that you did.

Feel free to share more than one thing if you're feeling particularly accomplished!

Extra credit: find someone in the comments and give them props for what they achieved!

Nothing is too big, too small, too strange or too cryptic. And in case you'd rather do this in private, anonymous comments are screened. I will only unscreen if you ask me to.

Go!
Monday, January 19th, 2026 08:03 pm
Today I made Crockpot Xawaash Chicken Stew.  I added some chopped cherry tomatoes.  They worked pretty well, but didn't cook very evenly.

I also made Sour Cream Biscuits. We had sour cream left over from a previous recipe.  Honestly, I thought these were a failure because they didn't fluff up at all.  The texture is more like a dumpling than a biscuit.  But they have a great sour cream flavor, and they worked quite well with the stew.  If you have spare sour cream, it's worth a try.
Tags:
Monday, January 19th, 2026 05:25 pm
Challenge #10: Big Mood (Board)

CHOOSE SOMETHING YOU LOVE AND CREATE A MINI MOOD COLLECTION OF THREE (or more) ITEMS THAT EVOKE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT IT. You don’t have to limit yourself to visual media, or collect the items into a special format like a square (though you can if you’d like).

I’ve seen other people put together visual moodboards – assembling colors, stock photos, character stills, and other images that go together and evoke the feeling of that fandom (or story, or character). I’m not that good with visuals, so I’ll often put together playlists, or song quotes, or some mix of all of the above.

I love freeform challenges that let you choose how you want to respond, so I hope you’ll like this one! (And if you’d like a bit more direction, I have some suggestions later in this post.)



Snowflake Challenge: A mug of coffee or hot chocolate with a snowflake shaped gingerbread cookie perched on the rim sits nestled amidst a softly bunched blanket. A few dried orange slices sit next to it.

Read more... )
Monday, January 19th, 2026 05:23 pm
Scientists trace fertilizer microplastics from fields to beaches

Tiny plastic coatings from farm fertilizers are quietly reshaping the mystery of “missing plastics” in the ocean.

Plastic-coated fertilizers used on farms are emerging as a major but hidden source of ocean microplastics. A new study found that only a tiny fraction reaches beaches through rivers, while direct drainage from fields to the sea sends far more plastic back onto shore. Once there, waves and tides briefly trap the particles on beaches before many vanish again. This helps explain why so much plastic pollution seems to disappear after reaching the ocean
.


That sounds like another problem that could be reduced with a ban on using plastic to make microbeads.
Monday, January 19th, 2026 09:55 pm

At various points today while I was slaving away over a hot laptop, I heard various Bruce Springsteen songs floating down from upstairs.

He said on fedi: "I have often noted similarities between the musicians, but I desperately want to hear New Model Army covering Bruce Springsteen's 'Further On (Up the Road)'."

(It was when he first said that he wants them to cover "Badlands," and Springsteen to cover their song "Vagabonds," that I figured I'd probably made a proper fan of him, if he could see the overlap between Bruce and a band he likes as much as he does New Model Army.)

He also sent me a link to what Springsteen said after Renee Good was murdered and then a YouTube playlist centered around Springsteen being in the Kennedy Center Honors of 2009. Which I think must be where I heard those songs from.

My newest library book, has been acquired after I heard the author, Steven Hyden, speak briefly on a short podcast series about Springsteen that D found and recommended to me (and actually listened to, which is amazing because he normally can't/doesn't want to listen to podcasts!). I found his book, called There Was Nothing You Could Do: Bruce Springsteen’s “Born In The U.S.A” and the End of the Heartland, and honestly I can hardly imagine anything more Me.

Monday, January 19th, 2026 07:34 pm
Snowflake Challenge: A flatlay of a snowflake shaped shortbread cake, a mug with coffee, and a string of holiday lights on top of a rustic napkin.


Talk about your favourite tropes in media or transformative works. (Feel free to substitute in theme/motif/cliche if "trope" doesn't resonate with you.)

Where to start? Let's start with swashbuckling. That's a nice easy one. Really, I think my fannish id was formed by The Prisoner of Zenda at an early age (I am still very fond of The Prisoner of Zenda).

See also: Ruritania. I love a good fictional society, and the deeper we go into the government departments and the transport infrastructure, the happier I am.

And love and duty. I don't necessarily mind which triumphs, so long as both are taken seriously. I also love it when one of the arts - or sports, or whatever - is the third party in a relationship, particularly when the partners are both very enthusiastic about that. Not to mention the creator. (This was why I enjoyed Yuri!!! on Ice so much: it was very much about the skating.)

I like relationships between women, romantic or otherwise. And friendships between men and women where it's never going to become romantic.

And then I always enjoy a good description:
Food. Chalet School breakfasts. The Marseille chapter in Madam Will You Talk.
Clothes. Annoyingly, I can't think of a good example at this moment. Probably Eva Ibbotson.
Landscape. A John Buchan evening. Can't beat an apple-green twilight.

Finally, something that I write more often than I read is the situation where you will never be able either to clean up Dodge or to get out of Dodge, you have to live in Dodge, but nevertheless you can find a way to carve out a happy and/or meaningful life there. And maybe you find you've made it slightly less grubby.
Monday, January 19th, 2026 09:55 pm
 I am feeling sad and frustrated and ridiculous tonight, and also not like myself, which is perhaps the most annoying part of all of this.

So. The planner.

I got a new planner. It’s good. The layout is right, the paper feels right, my brain went oh, yes, this will work. I’ve got a whole bunch of new planner stickers. I am, objectively, very close to planner peace. I even have more sticker orders arriving this week, because apparently hope is my dominant personality trait.

And the thing is — most of what I use fits fine.

I mostly plan with icon stickers. Script stickers. Little visual cues. Those are perfect. No issues. They sit exactly where they’re meant to. They behave. They understand the assignment.

But this week I had some big things going on. Capital-B Big. The kind of things where I wanted to block out space and make it very clear, at a glance, that Shit Was Going On Here.

So I used some flags and half boxes and quarter boxes from older kits.

And those are all just ever so slightly too wide.

Not unusably so. Just enough. Enough that my eye keeps snagging on them. Enough that I now know — with horrible clarity — that most sticker kits are designed for 1.5" columns, and my planner columns are 1.25".

Which means that the one time I don’t usually plan this way — the one time I actually need big, obvious visual space — is the time everything feels wrong.

And suddenly it feels like I’ve picked the wrong planner. Like I’ve broken some arbitrary but Very Important Planner Rule that everyone else somehow knows. Like I am Doing Planning Incorrectly™, despite the fact that this system works for me 90% of the time.

Never mind that icon and script planning is how I actually function. Never mind that I don’t usually need big boxes. Never mind that stickers are meant to be tools, not tests I can fail.

My brain has latched onto this tiny mismatch and decided it is Evidence.

I know this is not actually about stickers.

It’s about wanting space to acknowledge that things are hard. Wanting a system that can hold big days as well as small ones. Wanting one area of my life to feel contained and legible when the rest of it isn’t.

Tonight that has manifested as 0.25 inches of wrongness and the feeling that I’ve somehow messed up something that was meant to help me.

I’m aware this is absurd. I’m also aware that feelings don’t care about that.

Monday, January 19th, 2026 01:54 pm

The Scavenger Door by Suzanne Palmer : The third book in The Finder Chronicles; as much fun as its predecessors, and the end had me immediately turning around to start book four. Spoilery thoughts. )

Non-spoilery thought: Suzanne Palmer sure knows what it's like to live with a cat.

Um Actually live show: I don't subscribe to Dropout, so I'm sadly unfamiliar with most of their shows, but during high pandemic, they dropped a bunch of Um Actually episodes on YouTube, and T and I spent a lot of time watching them. So when we learned that there would a live show at this year's SF Sketchfest, we immediately decided to get tickets. The panel, which was not announced in advance, was Janet Varney, Marc Evan Jackson, and Tawny Newsome; they were an awesome group who played well off the hosts and each other, and we had a great time.